Ok. So.
When I was 8 years old, my grandfather died suddenly. He wasn’t in great health, but he was in ok health, realistically he might have lived into his 80s considering his lifestyle. He was in his 60s when he came to visit. He and his wife stayed at a B and B in town and I remember giving him a hug before they left our house for the evening and he lost his balance and suddenly I knew that he was going to die that night.
I remember crying and crying and telling my parents, who naturally comforted me and said that of course he wasn’t going to die, he was healthy, he had just lost his balance, etc. but it wasn’t about him losing his balance. I remember in that last moment when I touched him suddenly being filled with the knowledge that he was going to die.
I should add that I have always been someone who REALLY wants to communicate with the paranormal, REALLY wants to believe, but is also REALLY FUCKING SCARED of it. So I was never open to it, even when I honestly wanted to be.
Later that night, he had a stroke and died. Well, he was put on life support, which amounted to the same. We waited for my aunt and uncle and then let his body go.
We were not church goers, or religious at all, but a lot of people during this time told me that my grandpa was watching me from heaven. I think this was supposed to make me feel better. Instead, coupled with a complete lack of understanding about what heaven was (first time being told it was a real place) and a vivid imagination I took it really literally and felt that he was watching me from heaven at all times. When I was playing. When I was reading. When I was practicing kissing on the back of my hand. When I was figuring out that it was nice to touch yourself. When I was pissing and shitting. At. All. Times. I told this to his wife recently- now I think it’s funny- and she asked, why didn’t I ask anyone if that were true? What? People just get to make up the rules? No. He was staring at me through a special telescope at every minute of my life.
So several years went by and after a while I worried less about him watching me constantly and figured that was probably not the case. By now I was maybe 12 or 13. It was before I started high school. This is what I tried to convince myself was sleep paralysis.
I woke up in the middle of the night and realized there was someone in the door, so I lifted my head and saw the shadowy figure of a tall man standing there. I laid my head back down and looked at the ceiling and turned my head to look at my alarm clock, it was sometime during the 3am hour. I just remember thinking something like, I’m scared and I don’t know what this is and I wish it weren’t here and I don’t know how to deal with this. So I looked back up and I could tell that the shadow knew that he had scared me and was trying to leave, so he would try to turn around and walk away but it was like he was getting caught and just spinning in a circle. But I somehow knew that he was trying to leave and knew he had scared me.
For a while I had myself convinced that it was sleep paralysis, but I could move my head and read the time and respond to the situation, and I haven’t heard of many sleep paralysis situations that end with the shadowy figure trying to leave because you realize that they realize they’ve scared you.
Sometimes I think it was my grandfather. Sometimes I wonder if it were someone else. It was a new house, less than fifteen years old, but maybe that doesn’t matter. If it were my grandfather, is he stuck there now? Anyway, I just wanted to share this and see what you guys think.
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